Friday, February 27, 2009


Lan has his first (trial) class of gymnastics last night. We got there a little early to make sure we had everything figured out. So we watched the earlier class for about 15 minutes. They're all so tiny out there. It's a huge gym and they have about 5-7 classes going on at the same time.

Landon's class started at 5, there were a lot of kids, so they were split up into two groups. Landon's group went to stretching first. Oh my goodness...I was almost in tears, from laughing so hard. It was hilarious to watch Lan stretch. I definitely need to get that on video.

First was bars and the rings. I've mentioned before that Landon is part Monkey. He loved this part. They did one bar, where they swing and put their feet up by their hands, then a set of rings, then two more bars. After that, it was straight to a long skinny trampoline. The kids jumped all the way down to a big pit full of foam blocks. I think that was Landon's favorite part. They had to do different styles of jumping up and down. After that, they moved to the balance beam. Two different types of beams. the first one was a set of two beams close together, they did different types of crab walks on it. Then they had the single beam. After the kids did their turn, they went up a little set of stairs and got to jump in a small circle of more foam blocks.

The pictures I took with my phone, so they're not that great, but you get the idea. He got a new shirt that has the gym name on it. He wanted to wear it this morning, but its too big. I told him that I would wash it and he could wear it next week, that it would fit better after I washed it. He threw it in the laundry room, went to talk to Bryan, then came back and asked if it was ready. LOL.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

New Breakfast Table

We finally got a new table! And it's beautiful. After looking everywhere, we decided to just go with Broyhill. Good idea since practically our whole house is Broyhill.

Anyway, we got the table in Honey. Its round, but has a leaf to extend it to oval and will seat at least 6. (BTW, its about 12 inches larger than our current table.) We ordered the chairs in black.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

What'd you say?

Landon is at a stage where he wants to know everything that was said, and will repeat most of it. If I say something to Bryan and Landon doesn't catch it, then he asks (over and over) what I said and if I say, "it was nothing" then he'll reply, "you didn't say noffing, what'd you say?" When I finally repeat what I said, he'll ask, "why did you say that?" drives me nuts and makes me want to hug and kiss him at the same time.

Also - he came home with a pink castle sticker. He said Ms. Heather told him it was a girl's sticker, but she didn't have any more boys ones. Landon apparently didn't care either way.

At the doctor last week (two ear infections) he weight 31 pounds and is about 39 inches. He's getting big so fast.

Last night, in his sleep, he kept saying, "I want more cake" and "that's my ice cream sammich" dreams just like his mommy.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Doctors Checkup

Went back to the Dr today...I was worried because I was still ....after a week (not important to go into details.) But Monday night and Tuesday night were back to normal. He said everything was okay, bleeding for a week was normal. He gave me orders for blood work in two weeks to make sure my pregnancy hormones were gone. (Otherwise, there may be residual tissue left that can cause your body to think its pregnant, and they'd do a D&C to remove any tissue left.) I'm pretty confident that's not going to happen.

He said 4-7 weeks before my next cycle would start. And suggested waiting at least two cycles to start trying again. He also suggested staying on the prenatals that entire time.

I'm doing better. (I say that every time, huh?) I still start bawling in the middle of nothing. But I am sleeping much better, thankfully.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Thank You

I want to thank everyone who has helped me this past week. Bryan, Landon, my family, my friends, coworkers, fellow bloggers. So many friends have sent me words of encouragment, of love, of help. Friends have checked on me, called me, sent flowers, cards, texts. My family has called, come by, hugged, comforted.

There are times when my heart hurts so badly, but I can look at Bryan and Landon and know that I am so, so lucky. Landon is the most precious thing in the world. He cracks me up, fills my heart with love, and makes everything okay again.

Every day is a new day. I don't know why this happened to me, but I do know that it makes me appreciate what I have. I have a wonderful life, with a beautiful family and great friends.

Thank you all.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Valentine's Party

Landon took tulips to his teachers. He was so excited to give them flowers. Bryan said one of the little girls ran up to them when they walked in with the tulips and said, "Thank you Landon!" I guess she wanted Tulips too.

Kallie and I went to the party in the afternoon. They were so nice. Then set up an extra plate for her. Lan was so excited to show off his cousin.

And of course, Landon got to sit by Journey, his girlfriend. He had a special heart filled with chocolate for her. Thankfully there was no kissing (this time.) But they did give each other hugs. The kids got tons of sugar and candy and had a blast.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Family and Healing

I am so glad my mother came out on Monday. At first I thought I'd be okay if she just came out on Thursday, but having her here these past couple of days has been exactly what I needed.

On Monday night and Tuesday when the medication started kicking in and everything was happening, it helped to have her here to talk to. All through this, I've been able to tell her what I'm thinking, how I'm feeling, what I'm afraid of, what I wish for, and she's listened and help me walk through the hard parts. She's been a mom. And that's what mom's do. There's been lots of times in my life where we've been mad at each other, disappointed in each other, sad for each other...times like these make up for all of those.

Bryan's been great too. He's constantly concerned about me, wanting to know if I'm okay. Today was a good day. This afternoon was beautiful. We sat outside in the backyard; mom and I watched Bry and Lan play for hours. To see how much they love each other fills my heart. I know he's hurting too. He knows when I need a squeeze, or a prayer, or a look of understanding. He loves me.

I've had so many friends and family showing their concern. The love and prayers we've received this week have been beyond my comprehension.

It still hurts. I know its going to hurt for a long time. But I'm doing okay. Because with the hurt is also love. And I know someday that love will overshadow the hurt. But today's not that day. Today I miss my baby.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Our Loss

Bryan, Landon and I went to the doctor yesterday morning. We were hoping to show Landon the baby. Dr. N couldn't find the babies heart beat using the doppler, so we headed down the hall to do an ultrasound. Finally doing an internal ultrasound, Dr. N found the baby, but I could see as soon as it came up that there was no fluttering where the heart should be. Dr. N searched for a while, then he measured the baby...he only measured 9 weeks.

By then I was already bawling and shaking. Landon kept telling me over and over, "Don't cry Mama, don't be sad."

The doctor and nurse were very comforting, I tried to pay attention to everything they were saying.

But through all of it, there really wasn't shock. I think I knew something wasn't right. I know I'd mentioned that thought to my friends, always with the thought that I was over-reacting. I just felt it. But even having that feeling...couldn't prepare me for the emotions I'm going through now.

I am taking medication to "help" progress the miscarriage. Those and some good pain pills. Which barely help with the cramping and can offer no help with the emotions. This is one of the hardest things I've had to do, and I have absolutely no control over any of it.

But I know I'm blessed. I'm blessed to have Landon already. And I'm blessed to have Bryan, I haven't even taken the time to ask how he is...I've just let him take care of me. I'm blessed to have family, my mom flew down last night and I've had calls and emails from so many. I'm blessed to have friends who I know love me and also know that I need time alone, to heal. I'm blessed with so, so, so many things.

And I'm blessed that God was able to take my baby without letting it suffer. And for that I'm most thankful.

I found a wonderful quote today:

"Never in our arms, but forever in our hearts."

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Week 11

I'm exhausted. Beyond exhausted. My bachache is gone for now. But I've had some other issues. I talked to the nurse at Dr. N's office today and she assured me I'm okay. I go in for an appointment on Monday and she said they'd do an ultrasound then.

Until then, no running, no exercising, no anything.

Lan's been really great this week. He cracks me up. He's learned to ask for two more minutes, yet he had no concept of what a minute is or how long that is. He just knows it buys him more time.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

11 Weeks

I'm 11 weeks now. Little fig in my tummy. I'm feeling much, much better and only get sick if I forget to eat (like that happens.) My next appt is Monday, Bryan and Landon are going with me. I think Landon will be excited to see or hear the baby.

Landon's school has a lice outbreak. Nobody in his classroom (yet.) He spent last night pretending to be the nurse, checking mine and Bryan's hair and telling us, "No bugs."

He got a haircut tonight. He has always been so good getting it cut. Tonight he almost fell asleep...drool even came out of his mouth. I know how he feels, I love someone fixing my hair.

We've been working on phonics and letter recognition with him. He knows a few, but has a lot more to learn. He can spot an L or a B anywhere.

Time to get to bed.